How Woman Carries Her Inner Pain

 

A girl stores so much inside herself: people’s sarcastic comments, taunts, anger, unnecessary scolding, and so much more. A girl always wishes she had someone who would listen to her, comfort her, appreciate her work, feel the suffocation inside her, and say a few kind words with love. But when she wants to open her heart to someone and finds no one willing to listen, she makes her pen and diary her closest friends.

When she goes to her siblings to share her thoughts, and they consider her words meaningless or useless, she breaks from the inside. A girl tolerates things that are almost impossible to describe. Some girls’ own parents don’t listen to them, keep their distance, and ignore their feelings. And so, she keeps getting exhausted deep within herself.

She bears everything silently, as if she is no longer alive from the inside, like her feelings have died. She forgets how to laugh, cry, speak, or talk to others. And when she starts distancing herself from everyone, people say she is egoistic. But no one asks why she became like this or what made her this way. The answer is only one: the harsh behavior of people, their bitter words, force her to stay away from others.

She becomes so used to loneliness that it becomes comforting. If even one person comes close to her, she starts feeling uncomfortable. She begins to feel like a stranger in her own home because loneliness has become her companion, and there is no room left for anyone else. She learns to live happily with her solitude, to enjoy it.

How long does it take for a person to become used to something? One month? At most a year? But a girl who has lived alone for 25 years—won’t she become used to her loneliness?

She learns to laugh, cry, and express everything alone. So why would she feel the need for anyone else? A girl endures so much quietly, storing it within herself with the hope that one day everything will get better and her Lord will reward her for her patience.

Most parents make the mistake of not understanding their children’s emotions. They compare them with others, insult them in front of people, and humiliate them. A girl carries a lot of anger within herself. She wants to do many things, but due to family pressure, she can’t. Many parents turn their daughters into puppets of society. What she wants and doesn’t want doesn’t matter to them.

People assume that the youngest or oldest daughter must be loved the most at home, that no one scolds her. Why? Or are daughters not human? Are their family members angels who would never say anything to them?

A girl is crushed first under the weight of her own home, then under her in-laws’. She tolerates so much that she feels suffocated inside.

My mother says a girl’s real home is her husband’s house, whatever you want to do, do it after marriage. But we say a girl has no real home. Whatever phase she goes through in her parents’ house, she goes through the same in her in-laws' house.

I have seen my mother struggle. She gave her whole life serving her in-laws and her own family, yet no one appreciated her. A mother and daughter never get a break; they spend their entire lives working, working, and working without any recognition.

My mother was the eldest daughter. She took care of her siblings and raised them in her lap. And now when I see how they treat my mother, I feel hurt. Is this really the life of a daughter? When I look at myself through my mother’s perspective, I get angry. Why am I a girl?

Then I remember that maybe women in my mother’s generation were like this, silent, accepting everything, because they did not know their rights. But I know my rights. Yet when I look at society, I feel like a girl has to fight too much to get her rights. Rights are not given; they must be taken, because people are addicted to taking what is not theirs. But we should never give up our rightful share. If you want to stop people from taking haram, ask them for your halal rights.

I don’t think our society will ever change, because people’s mentality never changes. The same judgmental people continue to thrive in every era.

If a girl does not get married at a “young age,” she is insulted and called unlucky and a burden. If she gets divorced, the same words. If she is married but can’t have children, again she is blamed.

Does a girl have no feelings? Is she just a puppet, controlled by everyone, first her parents and siblings, then her husband and in-laws?

I feel sad for people who think that if an unmarried woman lives in the house, then even water from her hands is haram. Everything is in Allah’s hands. Who the hell are people to decide what is forbidden and what is not?

I feel sad that the honor and status the Prophet ﷺ gave to women is being trampled today under cultural rituals and shallow customs just to impress society, not Allah.

People worry about society but not the One who created the society.

Men think they are perfect, incapable of mistakes, and put all blame on women. Men must understand how many burdens a girl carries and how much she endures—taunts, bitterness, pressure—leading to anxiety, depression, sleepless nights, etc.

If a girl asks for her rights or stops wrong practices, she is called ill-mannered, ignorant, and disrespectful. But if she silently obeys like a puppet, she is called uneducated or backward. How unfair.

If a girl wants to use her rights given by the Prophet ﷺ, she is labeled with different names. If she wants to bring change and stop innovation in religion, she is mocked and told she has become a “maulani.” A girl can’t even fulfill a simple wish, not in her parents’ home, and not in her in-laws’.

Men expect only women to compromise after marriage but put in no effort themselves. And when a woman gets exhausted and raises her voice for her rights, she is blamed for not keeping the home peaceful. Is maintaining a home only her responsibility? Did the Prophet ﷺ not take care of his wives and daughters? Today men give examples of the Prophet ﷺ but do not follow his Sunnah.

And then some men only remember Hadith and Sunnah when they want to marry four times. They only read Hadith up to the part about marriage, nothing beyond that.

Men want a pure, educated, beautiful woman who fits their standards. But even if she is, they are still not satisfied and then want a simple village girl, because an educated woman knows her rights, and that bothers them. And again, the woman is blamed.

Two people are very important in a girl’s life: her parents and her husband. If parents are educated, religious, and understanding, they know their daughter's rights. But if they are not, the girl spends her entire life confused, with many questions and no one to answer them.

A single daughter in the house suffers a lot, especially when no one understands her. Parents claim they understand their children, but they don’t. A girl spends her whole life alone, with no one of her age to share her feelings, her confusions, or her pain. She stays locked in her room, talking to Allah alone, sharing her heart with Him. And that gives her peace, that even if humans don’t understand her, Allah does. She is satisfied knowing that Allah will definitely reward her patience.

Every lonely girl controls herself with great strength and courage. I believe every girl in this world is alone because in this era everyone is alone, together yet alone. A religious girl protects herself from so many haram things, stops herself from falling into depression, and reminds herself again and again that Allah is there, watching, and He will make everything right one day.

Most parents in the 90s made the mistake of sending their daughters to madrassas or hiring a Hafiz to make them finish the Qur’an, just to keep them “out of the way.” They had no idea what difficulties their daughters faced. Today, parents make another mistake: they give their daughters mobile phones at a young age just so they don’t get disturbed, not knowing what problems they are pushing them into. Parents should be friendly, understanding, educated, and capable of guiding their children so they do not suffer in the future.

Today, many girls feel lonely, and because of this loneliness, they take wrong steps. This era is such that girls need emotional support, especially from their parents. But sadly, families are the first to step back, leaving a girl alone.

If a girl is religious and wants to understand and practice her faith, her family doesn’t support her, and she feels even more alone.

No one can truly understand a girl’s inner pain, her struggles, or her troubles. People can only give sympathy; they cannot understand her, because humans don’t have that capability. Only Allah understands.

The honor and dignity that the Prophet ﷺ gave to women is being taken away today because of worldly culture and showing off. People care about society, not the One who created the society.

Everyone fears the world, but not the One who created the world

May Allah protect all the Muslim women around the world and give them strength. Amin Ya Rabbul Aalameen